A Patient's Perspective

This letter was received on March 8, 2011, and the patient who wrote this did so with the intention of sharing her and her husband's experience at the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Surgery with others going through the struggle with infertility.

Today when (hubby) and I came to see you, it was for the very happiest reason in a string of joyous events. I still cannot believe that we are going to be parents, for real...and to twins! Pinch me!

I thought about the group that you meet with and all of the people that you might see on a daily basis, such a variety of people all with a common denominator. There is no formula for dealing with fertility issues, unless I missed that along the line :) I’ll share our story in case it could help to lift someone else's spirits or give them a little reassurance.

January of 2010 was the first time I visited Dr. Mersol-Barg, just out of curiosity. My husband and I had been planning on a honeymoon baby, the timing was perfect and May of 2009 seemed like a great time to give it a shot. May passed, June passed, July passed, August passed...September came and I ran out to buy a fertility monitor sure that we were just timing things wrong. September passed, October passed, November passed and finally with December the light bulb went off! I realized that there just might be a problem. Naturally the next step was Google, what a Godsend that Google is! The more I learned about why it could possibly take this long to conceive a child the more I began to research the best of the best in the fertility world. I also was able to chat with a friend of a friend that had gone through multiple fertility treatments before success with ivf. All along the way, all of these months the frustration was building...what the hell is taking so long? Really, we have tp have sex now, Argh! (who would have ever thought those words would pass thru my lips!) and all along the way our spirits were slowly worn down.

Finally, January came and I met with Dr. Mersol-Barg who just explained how things work. All I had to do was meet with him, why I had not done this earlier I will never know! So, the options had been presented and the testing was soon to begin. For me, all I needed was to be doing something proactive to feel better my husband is a “right now” kind of guy so the test after test with no baby were especially trying for him. He is not the kind of guy that is easily coaxed into a room with a leather couch and a few mags to do his business. It took some serious convincing on my part to get this to happen. He was under the impression that reproductive medicine is a racket. Thankfully, I was able to represent what Dr. Mersol-Barg had told me, and also that it’s not his fault...it’s not my fault...we have no idea what is going on and we never will until we test to get an answer. So, finally, test we did! We may have tested in February, and then retested in the spring. We tried Femara and sex, on the advice of my gynecologist hoping that something would just happen and that the tests were just wrong. We lived in this denial for about 3 months. After that I just couldn’t take it anymore, I had to put it to rest at risk of losing my mind.

So, life just went on for awhile but the stress of this type of thing can really play games with your relationship. When one person is diagnosed a certain way, it can have a huge affect on their attitude toward starting a family. It is very smart to seek counseling during this time, for both of you. Not just the woman and not just the man, each should do it on their own and both of you should do it together and continually respect and appreciate each other in an effort to nurture your relationship. Faith is another piece of the puzzle that I found to be very helpful. Having faith in God, or whatever you choose to believe in, having faith in your doctor and nurses...truly believing in them, having faith in yourself and your partner...faith is pretty powerful.

We were ready to take another stab at the baby thing, our new name for the situation, again in the fall. October after another semen analysis that happened to come back with a boost in the count and a little more positive we decided to try IUI on advice of my gynecologist. No success, torture yes...tears yes, still we marched on. This time I decided that we really needed to take the baby thing seriously and make a choice. Almost a year passed since meeting with Dr. Mersol-Barg, I scheduled another appointment. Kind and warm as always, he welcomed me back with open arms and revisited the options that were best suited to our needs. I decided that IVF with ICSI was a go, I went home and explained to my husband and he agreed. The process was a go! We made it through Christmas happily knowing that we were about to embark on a journey of epic proportions...one that could succeed.

Again, there were tests...my fav the transvag and his fav the leather couch and a cup. We survived, we talked about it a lot to be sure we were both comfortable, we were both on the same page. We went to our orientation session, and the injectable training...the hardest part of all of that was signing the consent forms. Making choices that you just really don’t ever want to make or how you feel about some of the things that come up are just unreal, but really real.

I can’t even believe that we made it that far, we got all the way to the forms and freaked out! The forms for some odd reason were the point that everything truly sunk in...we are really going to do this. We both had to take a break after that visit and really think, think about the choices that we made and talk about how we felt. This had to be one of the best discussions of our relationship, it was hard and it was not fun, but out of all of the issues we faced with the baby thing this is the point that we were one again. We broke a little along the way, it’ was a rough road, but getting to the point of making a conscious decision to move forward with IVF was the very best decision we ever made together.

We began the cycle on the 14th of January, 2011...a few days later the shots started. The first one was the worst, and not even the shot itself, I think I held it near my pinched belly fat for about 30 minutes before actually piercing my skin. After that for me, it was just routine. Near the end, I didn’t really love it but knew it just had to be done. I do have to say, the blood draws were always nothing...I always wished I could take my favorite guy home with me to give me the shots, he is so sweet and gentle. Finally, the shots came to an end...and it was time for the harvesting of the eggs.

I was feeling good about this, I was super nervous but that’s all part of the game. My husband took me in, I got undressed and put on one of those snazzy hospital gowns. Relaxed in the bed and got wheeled into the surgery room. It’s nice in there, no hospital smell, and the staff are so friendly and warm it’s impossible to feel uncomfortable. I remember saying something to the nurse anethesist and then waking up back in the room where I started. Dr. Mersol-Barg was able to retrieve 9 eggs, I was really happy to hear that...out of 9 one had to be good! My husband went to visit the leather couch with a cup while I was in surgery and left a lovely sample to inject into my eggs. Every other day, one of the nurse would call with a report on the progress of the eggs and sperm, fertilization, etc. It was really kind of neat.

The recovery from egg retrieval was no biggie, just relaxed for a day and went back to work the next and took it easy. The real hard part was waiting for the transfer and hoping that those fertilized eggs would continue to grow and do well.

The transfer day had finally arrived! I went to this appointment on my own, Marilyn at the center is a great stand in...she is sweet and motherly, I swear she brought good luck! For this procedure you are all there to witness the amazing event. The lab technician zoomed in on our little blastocytes that would be transferred, that is the moment that things felt real...I could see things happening. After the procedure was complete, the doctor and staff completed a special ritual that for me was a tear jerker.

On to the wait, the lovely wait...I just babied myself for the next three days. My husband waited on me, we snuggled and watched Lifetime movies it was a really nice bonding time for us. It only became torturous the night before the blood test, I didn’t sleep, I was so anxious to know the result. I felt bloated, I was exhausted, but I truly attributed all of that to the end of the drugs, and stress like being in recovery. The morning of the blood test, I decided to call in sick to work. I just didn’t want to be there either way, waiting for the phone call. Ellen and various daytime TV shows helped to pass the time, when the phone finally rang I probably answered at half a ring. Dr. Mersol-Barg called, that was my first “sigh” I thought for sure this was the bad news call. I was prepared, I planned in advance in case things did not work out...we were prepared. However, after I started to listen to what he was saying, it was good...it was good news! I imagined that he and all of the nurses were sitting around a conference room table when I heard the “Congratulations” in unison bound through the phone. Tears of joy, I was truly moved by the presentation and then news that came along with it.

Cloud nine ensued, just careful eating, paying attention to everything and really taking care of myself and the baby to be. Waiting for the ultrasound was nerve wracking, there was still that element of “not real”.

Finally the day of the ultrasound arrived! I was just so excited for this day, me and hubby walked into the office not really sure what to expect from the ultrasound at this point. Well, we were able to see a little one and it was amazing! What was even more amazing than that was that there are 2...we are having twins!

Elated! The joy of the outcome is overwhelming, we are ecstatic. This process for us was worth every ounce of frustration, every argument, every penny, and every moment spent taking, thinking or worrying about fertitliy.

I am an avid believer in “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”...just learn from the previous time and take everything in stride.

I wish every one of you the very best, smiles and much happiness. One day at a time. You are in the hands of a very special group of professionals, have faith in them and in yourselves :)

This next letter was received on 12/22/11 from a couple who also wanted to share their story:

Our journey with Center for Reproductive Medicine and Surgery began with a second opinion.  My wife and I had been trying to have a baby for some time, with no success.  We were referred to a clinic near us where we worked with the doctor there for about a year, trying IUI procedure after IUI procedure.  We were successful with one of those procedures, but unfortunately experienced a miscarriage very early on.  After a couple more attempts, the doctor there suggested moving on to an IVF cycle.  Since IVF is such a large expenditure and a more invasive procedure, we decided it was necessary for us to get a second opinion.  We did some research on the internet and that led us to the Center for Reproductive Medicine and Surgery and Dr. Mersol-Barg.

Our original appointment was only for a second opinion consultation.  We had no intention of switching clinics, but Dr. MMB expressed such sincerity and compassion about both his work and our situation and made us both feel so comfortable (which was no small feat considering we are both lifelong Michigan fans and he went to Ohio State!).  He spent over an hour with us even though he knew we had no intention of leaving our then-current doctor and he never once even hinted that it would be best to switch to his clinic.  He just made sure we were as well-informed as we could be, so we could make the best decision on IVF.  We received more information in this one visit then we had after a year with our previous doctor.  As we were walking out, my wife and I looked at each other and both said we should change doctors before we even reached the ground floor.

We couldn’t be happier with our decision.  We scheduled an IVF cycle and are now 8-months pregnant with our little miracle baby.  We would recommend Dr. MMB & the center to anyone who finds themselves in a situation requiring a little extra help to build a family.  The facilities are all clean & top notch in every way.  We never felt like we were going through this alone as Mike & the whole staff felt like an extended family more than just medical service providers.  Everyone takes the time to get to know you and you feel as though they are on this journey with you.  It was also helpful for us to take part in the support group, hearing that there were plenty of other folks in our situation who were in similar situations and had experienced success with Dr. MMB.

Thanks Dr. MMB and your amazing staff for all your help.  We couldn’t have done this without your help, support and expertise.  Happy Holidays to you all!